Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Randomize
