You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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