There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
This house was built for laser tag.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
