R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
