I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
