Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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