You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
