Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
