My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Non-Jews are for practice
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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