I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
