hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
