Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF