and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men