my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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