hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
