good thing vaginas are great cup holders
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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