It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
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I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
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I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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