she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
