So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
