Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
