I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
