u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Randomize
