At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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