and next time when you feel me up, do it right
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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