What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
