a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
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