I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
