You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
