Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
