Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
