I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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