Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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