I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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