He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
