dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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