he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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