You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Randomize
