Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
