He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
