There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
