Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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