I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
