I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
