I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
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