He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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