Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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