wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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