i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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