Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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