im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
