So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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