i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
