Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
