I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
