So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
