I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
