We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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