Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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