my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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