You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
