You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
