oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Randomize
