Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
