she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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