just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
