yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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