Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
