Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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