woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
