I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
