I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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