I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
