You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
