i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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