While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
