Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
