Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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