CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
