I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
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