my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
