There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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