I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
